What makes us cheat and how to protect your marriage

  It's a dirty little secret that has never been so exposed, infidelity. 

What makes people cheat and how can you protect your marriage?

Think of it like Facebook for adulterers. Ashley Madison, the recently hacked infidelity website that encourages married people to cheat.

Among the millions of accounts revealed, it's tough to know how many real and how many affairs were ignited are, but it does bring to light one simple truth about cheating. It's at the same time universally condemned and secretly condoned.
 
FOX 2:  "Do you know people who've had affairs?"

"I've heard of some," said one man.

Right now two Michigan State representatives, both married with kids, who preached family values, are both fighting for their jobs after getting caught in a sex scandal.

From Arnold Schwarzenegger to former President Bill Clinton, why do so many risk marriages, careers and respect for such a short-term gain?
     
Relationship expert Joe Bavonese weighs in.

"There's an inherent contradiction, we all have this need for security and get married, feel loved, be with one person the rest of our life," he said. "But there's a part of us that wants spontaneity, adventure, romance and playfulness and all the things we feel when we fall in love."

Bavonese says never has it been easier to cheat, thanks to the one thing that makes covert communication so easy - your cell phone.

"Any form of infidelity whether it's emotional or physical, starts often with texting," he said.

"There's an app where you can put all your messages and lock them in a private box so no one can see them," said one woman. "So yes a cell phone is a way for you to cheat on spouse or significant other."

Texting creates the emotional bond which fuels a desire for physical contact.
 
According to the love doctor, Terri Orbuch, many feel they won't get caught. About 20 percent of women and 32 percent of men admit to cheating.

Affairs happen in even good marriages, so how do you protect yours?

Don't get stuck in the roommate rut.

"They get into a deadening, boring routine," said Bavonese. "Going to work taking, care of kids, crashing and falling asleep. And the relationship doesn't get as much attention.

Here some tips:

Make time for romance - make your marriage exciting.

Communicate - talk about your future, your day, and your concerns.

Tune into each other's love language - in other words, find out what your mate needs.

"A lot of men will say I mowed the lawn and fixed the light bulb to say I love you," Bavonese said. "But maybe your wife needs a card that says I love you."

And if you're worried that your spouse is stepping out. Ask to look at their phone, he said. If the answer is a very nervous "no" that's when you might want to investigate.
  
Here's the good news, couples can survive an affair? Experts say the answer is yes.

It can take six months to two years to rebuild trust and the relationship and it takes a lot of patience, understanding and probably counseling.

 


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